Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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