I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
