I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
