we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize