Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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