would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
