Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
