I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
