I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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