Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
