Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You can't just leave with hair like that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize