Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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