and next time when you feel me up, do it right
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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