I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
