All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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