When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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