At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
