thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
