I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize