I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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