And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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