Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
