I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
