never play flip cup with pint glasses
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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