you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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