1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
