I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
