Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
