it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
