I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
