I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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