The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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