I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
