I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
