i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
