SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
