i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
