Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
