His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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