Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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