He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
