I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
