just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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