I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
