I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
from now on my penis is your penis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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