So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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