Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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