First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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