I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
