yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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