I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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