I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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