Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
