I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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