I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
