just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
