Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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