u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
