When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
