I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
