Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops