I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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