the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
