I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to calm my uterus...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
