Where is the hickey?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
