guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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