i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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