You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
